Monday, August 9, 2010

The Roof, the Roof, the Roof Is On Fire...

Writing to you from my new German friend’s house; his name is Haus.  Haus Tralia.

Didn’t think I could pull one more off did you?  Don’t worry... I’m surprising myself too.  This one is dedicated to the Montreal crew that have to live with this on a daily basis when I’m home.  Also, a mention to the Australian roommates who find it funny now, but will eventually see the light, I’m sure.

I consider myself to be somewhat ingenious.  To which extent? Well, that really depends on the situation but, enough to get by with the title of ingenious. To illustrate, I once made a rake out a soda can and a small stick!  It worked for the task I needed accomplished and I’m not going to lie... I was pretty impressed with myself.  You can therefore see how I would enjoy taking on the persona of a real life MacGyver.  I set off on a MacGyver quest last night when I decided I wanted to put steamed cauliflower in a dish I was cooking and realized that we did not have a steamer.  I puttered around the kitchen, trying to come up with a concoction that would get the job done.  After a bit of creative thinking, I came up with the idea of putting our metal strainer on top of a pot of boiling water using the pot lid as a cover on the strainer.  I figured it would probably take more time to steam since the holes on the side of the strainer were still uncovered but the job would be done in a reasonable amount of time.  

When my meat was almost done cooking, I checked on the cauliflower only to find it was still pretty hard.  My timing was going to be all off!  No golden spoon for me.  Oh well...  Thankfully, I live with an engineer (Renn), so I had some brains backing up (or so I thought).  When he walked in, he asked what I was doing and came up with the brilliant idea of wrapping the strainer with paper towel as to block the holes on the strainer.  “Won’t that catch on fire?” I inquired.  “Nah! Nah!  It should be fine.” Renn replied.  My internal engineer told me this was probably a bad idea but the real engineer standing beside me actually was educated and qualified in the matter.  “Go back to your little office inside the brain building and do some more studying internal engineer.  You really blew it on this one.” I thought.  Absolutely delighted about our invention, we celebrated with high fives and pictures!  I kid you not.  Proof:



To my surprise, the next 10 minutes of steaming went great.  When I opened the lid, the cauliflower was softening and I was on my way to serving a great meal.  Renn went back onto the porch and I stood in the doorway, conversing and keeping an eye on the kitchen.  While listening in on a heated (foreshadowing) conversation, a thought came to my head: “Hmmm... Something smells like burning.  I wonder what that could.... OH MY GOD! IT SMELLS LIKE BURNING!”  I didn’t skip a beat.  I left my post at the doorway while the other carried on with the conversation without really clueing in on my quick exit.  Our friend the paper towel decided it was dressing itself up with fire for a night out and let me tell you, it looked HOT!  Flames engulfing my makeshift steamer, I had time to rip the paper towel off.  The only problem is that after having done this brilliant move, I had a FLAMING PAPER TOWEL in my hand and had not thought ahead to what my next step would be.  Looking back on it, I should have thrown it in the sink and opened the water but, in the heat of the moment (literally), I decided that throwing the towel to the floor and jumping on it was the best and most gracious course of action.

So there I was, yelling like a camel getting hot flashes: “OOUhh!  AAHHHH!  FIREE!!!!” hopping on and off the fiery towel like a gorilla, when my roommates finally saw me through the window and I heard someone yell out: “Why are you dancing?” These Australians must think we Canadians have some strange cultural dances to think I was actually dancing...  In any case, my jumping extinguished the flames and no real damage was done.  Renn, being the engineer, went straight for design model 2.0.  Suffice to say I was a bit reticent to jump right back into it, but I was informed that testing is an inevitable part of a new design.  I then realized that he had never told me what kind of engineering he was studying...  Be wary!  We modified the design a little bit and it did perform up to our standards this time... Maybe I should get into engineering, it now sounds a lot more exciting than I had first envisioned. I’m also going to have to find a way to replicate burning paper towel in a steamer because it gave my cauliflower a fiery taste that was absolutely delicious.

Lesson learned: If someone tells you they are an engineer, DO NOT give them the benefit of doubt.  You are just as much an engineer as they are in most situations... Haha

Australianly yours,

Joël

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Beat Up, Yet Up Beat

Writing to you from my Host-Tralia,

I know... The puns are getting pretty bad... I’m running out!

This week was my fourth week in Brisbane.  I’ve been gone a month, people! 

I’m at the point where my roommates are comfortable blaming everything on the fact that I’m Canadian.  I’m at a point where I can understand expressions like: “Macca’s (McDonalds)” and avro (afternoon).  I can’t believe it’s already been a whole month! Since my arrival, my mentality has been:”Take advantage of EVERY opportunity, you’re not here for long!”  As much as that is true, I think that taking advantage of EVERY opportunity is catching up with me...  I am here for pretty long...  Last Saturday night, let’s just say I stayed in.  Why?  Let’s paint a portrait.   

To start off, I got up last Monday and took care of my regular morning duties entrusted to me by Morning Joël, when I noticed, starting into the mirror that my eyes were freakishly red.  Instantly, they started to hurt... Talk about body and mind harmony!  Hmmm... Double you, Tea, Eff Mate! After some light Wikipedia reading, I was pretty sure I had Conjunctivitis, more commonly known as Pink Eye.  I’m still puzzled as to how, when and where it came about... I’m just hoping it wasn’t because someone farted in my face while I slept, which is the only other way I’ve ever heard of someone getting Pink Eye... My main suspect though, was Evening Joël and his doings!

Next off, on Wednesday my roommates and I started off on a first round of light cleaning in the apartment as we were preparing for an apartment evaluation the coming week (the landlord gets a company to come check the apartment every now and then).  Now, it’s important to note that I’m allergic to dust, usually forget about it and never take any precautions when cleaning.  I usually feel like my nose and sinuses are inhabited by a giant, very well inflated, liquid leaking balloon for the next couple days after a dusty encounter.  This was the case here.

To add, I was determined that on Thursday night I shan’t miss the organized international students’ event, no matter how I was feeling.  It just so turns out that that event was a pub crawl... And that I had classes on Friday...  I knew it was going to be a though day on Friday, but I didn’t want to miss this.  Morning Joël could deal with it.  Evening Joël was IN!  When all was said and done at around 3 am, I let Evening Joël make a stupid nevertheless chivalrous decision.  I offered to walk a friend home without previous knowledge of where they resided (incredibly far, in case you’re wondering).  “DAMN YOU EVENING JOËL!  You didn’t get home till 6 AM!  How am I supposed to concentrate in class? (Class at 9am by the way)  Your decision making privileges are revoked for a WEEK!  Go to your part of the brain and think about what you’ve done!”  Suffice to say I participated as much as I could in my classes to make my environment dynamic enough to keep me awake...  Hopefully, that got me some participation marks!

Finally, I still had bruised knees from surfing the week before (and wipping out like an amateur) and my feet were blistered and scabbed up because on the weekend I had walked a lengthy... Length... In shoes that should not be used to walk lengthy lengths... (NEVER AGAIN)  So, when the propositions for a fun filled night came a knocking, I politely responded that a Red eyed, stuffy, blistered foot and battered knee Canadian stays home on Saturday nights as to be rested for his wood cutting duties on Sundays.  The only noteworthy response I got to that comment was: “Mmmm... I wonder how battered knees would taste”.  Touché! 

Only today am I feeling back to normal (Tuesday).  I think it’s time to slow things down...  Plus my wallet feels thinner when I sit on it for some reason...  Strange.

Lesson learned: Keep your evening self in check.  He or she is most likely one of the most selfish people you’ll ever meet.  NOTHING BUT TROUBLE I TELL YOU!

Australianly yours,

Joël xo